I came across a wiki of Mitch Hedberg quotes, and was delighted. Not only do I think he is hilarious, but is an excellent storyteller who makes a good point:
- I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It'd be so damn
literal. "Hey, you're using that machine to its exact purpose!" - I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
- I have no problem not listening to The Temptations, which is weird.
- I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about
them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency
brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a
lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake, it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever. - I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one,
but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to
yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling "There ain't no way that's
gonna hit him." - I went camping once, and got into an argument with a girl friend in
the tent. This is a really bad place to get in an argument, because I
walked out and attempted to "slam the flap." How are you supposed to
express your anger in this type of situation? Zipper it up really quick?
- The phrase, "funny cause it's true," is true, and that's funny.
- "Obvious" just means you haven't taken the time to think about it further, which makes you mad when someone else did and finds something new, then makes you look dumb when you say, "that's my idea!" (but your boss can do that, which makes you mad for other reasons)
- A successful story needs to fit the framework for what your audience understands, but challenges what they expect.
- Good stories develop all the right details, but unfolds at the right time.
- Never disagree with a double negative, unless it's wrong.
- "God made beef perfect, we just have to not ruin it," said Tubby (the Food Network judge).
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